So I don't tend to post on the social threads here very often (I've been doing most of my forum-ing on GameFAQs for over a decade), but I feel like I can offer some insight to some of the younger members here when it comes to our shared "kink". For the record, I'm 31 now and have been mostly lurking, but always present, on just about every related forum since the days of "The Golden Age of Hiphuggers" page. I'm definitely one of the "old kinks" sometimes mentioned here, so I've lived with the infatuation for quite a while, and I've been around the block a few times.
First off, sorry for your negative experience, Navellover123. Rejection always sucks, especially if it's because of something as deep a part of your identity as your sexuality, but take solace in the fact that this is just one of many, many rejections you'll face in your lifetime. I was a competitive choral singer in high school, and my director often reassured students who were nervous before auditions that life is full of auditions, and you won't always make the cut. You'll have job interviews, business deals, try outs of all stripes, and romantic relationships where you'll be rejected. The faster you learn to pick up and carry on, the better equipped you'll be to deal with rejection of any kind throughout your future.
But this particular rejection you've experienced happens to fall under the category that draws many of us to this place. Let me say that you're not the first to have a potential relationship explode because you decided to reveal your "kink". It's happened to me on a few occasions, too, and while it's never pleasant, it's always a learning experience. I don't know the details of your situation beyond the fact that you were dating the girl for a month, and that she ended the relationship immediately upon the "reveal", but hopefully I can offer some wisdom that will help you out in the future.
1. Under no circumstances should you ever, EVER use the "F word" (as in the one this forum auto-edits into "infatuation". You know the one.). Simply put, this creeps girls out, regardless of how accurate a description it is, and how harmless the nuts and bolts of it may be. As soon as you drop the "F word", you've dropped any pretense of playful flirtation and gone straight into cold, hard *sex*. While you certainly want your potential partners to be intrigued by you in a sexual sense, jumping this gun almost always leads to failure. Using the "F word" with a woman before you've actually been in a long-term sexual relationship just gives off vibes of "sexual creep", even if it's not remotely true.
2. Now that we've gotten the trigger word out of the way, I'll tell you that when it comes to women and dating, I'm actually very open about my kink. In my experience, most women find it cute, so long as I'm cute and playful in how I express it. I can try to type out a guideline about what counts as "playful" and what counts as "creepy", but in reality, it all comes down to you. When I first found this community as a 15-year-old high school kid, I was profoundly ashamed and secretive about my infatuation with girls' midriffs and belly buttons. It was the last thing I wanted anyone to know. I thought girls would find it creepy and refuse to go out with me, and that guys would find it laughable and never let me live it down. Unfortunately for me, this made it *more creepy, not less, because despite my sincerest efforts, I couldn't help but stare from the corner of my eye whenever a cute girl stretched up or wore some kind of belly-baring outfit. I tried so hard not to be noticed, but trust me, women notice when you're checking them out, and if you're obviously trying to hide the fact that you're looking, that makes it creepy*. To make matters worse, whenever I built up the courage to admit my kink to a girl, I did so as if I was confessing some dark, shameful secret, and just like trying to stare without letting on, this had the exact opposite result of what I was hoping for. They found it creepy.
So I hid it away and dated as if I didn't have this sexual preference. That turned out just as negative as being weird about it. Like it or not, my sexual attraction to bare midriffs is a very deep aspect of my identity, and hiding it was no more healthy than being outwardly ashamed of it. My relationships all felt hollow, like something was missing, and I ended up breaking up with several great women because I wasn't satisfied, but wasn't confident they'd accept me for who I was. Something had to change. Now nearing my mid-twenties, I decided that I wasn't going to hide who I was. I have a lot of friends and family who are gay, and their courage in refusing to be ashamed of or hide their sexual identity inspired me to do the same. Now don't get me wrong... I wasn't organizing "Belly Button Parades" or announcing to everyone I met that I liked girls' belly buttons, but I *was* finally comfortable with it in a social setting. When talking with a group of people about sex or what we find attractive, I simply said, "Me? I looove a girl with a nice tummy, especially if she likes to show it off! Jeans and a crop top with their cute little belly button sticking out? Mmmm, I love it!". Instead of discussing it like I was embarrassed not to be focused on T&A like most guys, I talked about it proudly, playfully and with a confident smile.
The reactions did a complete 180. The vast majority of women found it absolutely adorable, and most guys were quick to chime in that they too liked to see a nice, bare belly on a cute girl (probably because they noticed the positive reaction I was getting for saying it). Some of them even began wearing bare midriff outfits intentionally to tease me or express their interest, and let me tell you, there's nothing more alluring than having full knowledge that a woman is dressing specifically to seduce *you. Sure, not all of those girls ended up being "soul mate material", but starting* a relationship with a woman who already knew what turned me on and was already completely cool with it lead to much more successful relationships. My mid twenties were a "sexual awakening" of sorts, and once I was comfortable enough with my own sexuality, women were comfortable with it, too. That's why I said that it all comes down to you.
3. Now that you've heard my forum-relevant "life story", there's one more thing I'd like to add. When I was a teenager, way back in the early days of these belly communities on the internet, Britney Spears was the world's most famous pop star, and girls everywhere were wearing low-rise hiphugger jeans with short crop tops. It was the fashion of the times. You'd think this would be great for folks like us, but in my experience, I've had much better luck meeting like-minded women when belly-baring *isn't in fashion. When every other girl is walking around with her tummy exposed, it's impossible to discern who's doing it because they like showing off their midriff and want people to notice, and who's just trying to stay on-trend. But when bare tummies aren't popular, it's a much safer bet that a woman who's wearing a midriff-baring outfit is doing so because she likes that part of her body and wants to draw people's attention to it. Of course that doesn't always mean she thinks of it in a sexual way like we do, but at the very least, they're more likely to be flattered by the attention. I must say that despite my overwhelming preference for low-rise pants on women, I actually love the current trend of crop tops with high-waisted* bottoms. It's brought belly shirts back into wardrobes, while simultaneously helping me differentiate between the trenders and the girls who really want to show off the part of their body that I love the most. If I see a woman wearing low-rise jeans and crop top nowadays, that's a pretty solid indicator that I can connect with her on a sexual level, because low-rise bottoms with a crop top is currently considered a fashion faux-pas, something no woman would commit to unless they had a good reason. Obviously it's not a 100% guarantee, but I can definitely say my dating and sex life has been better than ever over the last couple of years, specifically because of this fact.
So that's all I've got for now. I hope someone can find something in there that's helpful, insightful or just interesting. I think I may take the plunge and become a more active poster here, as GameFAQs is becoming tiresome, and there's plenty of fellow gamers and sci-fi nerds right here anyway. The only problem is that I do most of my forum posting at work, and this isn't exactly a site that I want to be up all the time. But I think I can manage ;-). Hope to get to know you all better soon!
